Humor for the day!

Brian Shaffer

Hog Hunter
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
Remember, it is important to wear hunter orange during deer season, even for your truck!

Ohio Man Charged in Hunting Accident in Chautauqua County
Chautauqua County Sheriff's Deputies said Marvin Miller, 26, of Middlefield, Ohio, was hunting on the state lands when he mistakenly thought the brown truck was a deer.

Miller did manage a successful kill with a bumper shot that deflected into the vitals.
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when
he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being
pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a
closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with
admiration. ''Thanks,' the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little
closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's
testicles. 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you
how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could go faster.

The little girl replied thoughtfully,
'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
attachment.php
 

cajun bob

LSB Member
When I decided to change from an electric range to natural gas I asked a friend who had done a similar job if he would help me out not wanting to end up with a gas leak because I messed something up. He said he would and we planned the job the following week. When he came I thanked him for helping me and told he I wasn't 100% confident in doing the job alone. He said no problem and I'll tell you a story while we work that should ease your mind. There was
this fellow who decide he wanted to parachute solo. So he took all the required classes and soon the big day came. He packed his own chute and got final instructions from his instructor. He leaped from the plane and pulled his main chute. It didn't open. He didn't panic and remembered to pull his spare chute. It didn't open either. As he's sprawled out heading to the ground he sees another person heading up from the ground towards him. When he gets close enough he yells at the guy, hey you know anything about parachutes? The other guys yells back no, you know anything about gas stoves?
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
The exact moment, when you KNOW to hit the air horn.


Dragons.jpg
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
Classic!

soap.jpg
 

cajun bob

LSB Member
The Admiral wasn't physically impaired. He had been in a serious training accident as a young pilot, but had survived with some broken bones and the loss of one ear. During his long and stellar career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear." The Admiral threw him out as well.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Navy Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To the Admiral's surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear."
 

cajun bob

LSB Member
An extremely large, muscular woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and pointed to all the men sitting at the bar and asked, "Which of you men will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end of the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was as usual, VERY drunk. Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina a drink!" Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit, and asked, "Which of you men will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina anudder drink!" Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and said, "Boudreaux mah fren', I know it ain't none of my business of course if you want to buy dat lady a drink, but how come you keep callin' her a Ballerina?" Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux . . . to me, any woman who can lift her leg dat high gots to be a Ballerina!"
 

cajun bob

LSB Member
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were driving down the levee the other day engaging in their favorite pastime, drinking beer. As they rounded a turn, they saw a State Police roadblock ahead, and Thibodeaux says, "Boudreaux, if dem Troopers see us wid dis beer, dey gonna bust us." Boudreaux tells him, "Don't worry Thib, we'll just pull over right here, finish our beers, peel de labels off de bottles, and stick dem on our foreheads, and throw de empty bottles in de ditch. Dey ain't gonna know nuttin' ." Thibodeaux says, "Mais what dat's gonna do ?" Boudreaux tells him, "You jus' be quiet, an' let me do de talkin' ." When they drive up to the roadblock, the first thing the Trooper asks is, "Have you fellas been drinking ?" Boudreaux, pointing to his forehead, replies, "Oh, no sir. We used to do dat, but now we on de patch !"
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
Bill Cosby's new commercial gig...

wacky_jail_o.jpg
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
I WANT to grow my own food... but, I can't find any bacon seeds !!!
 

Ratdog68

LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
We have plenty here in TX. Just come on down we can fix you up.
A visit for some pig hunting is on my bucket list!! This fall, however, deer in Montana!!
 

Chopperdrvr

Deep East Tx
SUS VENATOR CLUB
I would skip hogs for deer in Montana too. You will have a blast with or without getting a deer.
 

pruhdlr

Cantonment,Fla.
SUS VENATOR CLUB
They need to teach them monkeys to grab ahold of the end of the hogs tail,plant their back feet and hold on.
It would be like water skiing behind a pickup truck in 3 inches of water. ---- pruhdlr
 
Top