Humor for the day!
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RattlesnakeDan
San Antonio Texas
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True story about California.....
I had gold claims in the desert of California on BLM land, this land is for the American people to use and gold mining is one of those uses.
First thing we had to do was to dig a trench around the entire property 6" deep and 12" wide and the install metal femce in the trench and 18" high and bury it. This was to supposedly prevent the desert tortoise from getting in our mining claim and get kilted somehow....seeing how it is illegal to pick one up and remove it from the property. Well. these stupid little turtles spend 90% of their life underground buried and come out only to mate or whatever turtles do....or tortoises...sounds more endangered if you call them tortoises. But we couldn't use heavy equipment to dig the trench or you might squish a tortoise in the process, so they want us to dig a trench by hand....long story short...it costs so much to prepare your sight just to see if you were going to get gold or not that they would inspect it and always find something wrong. THEN...they said we had to pay a ground squirrel tax of up to $2000 per acre according to how many ground squirrels THEIR people trapped on our claim. I asked what do you do with this tax...remove the squirrels? No. We just tax you according to how many squirrels are bothered by you. Needless to say we had gopher poison and they never found ground squirrels on our plots...and we convinced them to let us put up plastic turtle fence because of cost..the turtles we found actually go wherever they want and bust right through the turtle fence. While they are building all these wind farms and solar fields all around us and guys are running over turtles like bugs. Kalifornication.
I had gold claims in the desert of California on BLM land, this land is for the American people to use and gold mining is one of those uses.
First thing we had to do was to dig a trench around the entire property 6" deep and 12" wide and the install metal femce in the trench and 18" high and bury it. This was to supposedly prevent the desert tortoise from getting in our mining claim and get kilted somehow....seeing how it is illegal to pick one up and remove it from the property. Well. these stupid little turtles spend 90% of their life underground buried and come out only to mate or whatever turtles do....or tortoises...sounds more endangered if you call them tortoises. But we couldn't use heavy equipment to dig the trench or you might squish a tortoise in the process, so they want us to dig a trench by hand....long story short...it costs so much to prepare your sight just to see if you were going to get gold or not that they would inspect it and always find something wrong. THEN...they said we had to pay a ground squirrel tax of up to $2000 per acre according to how many ground squirrels THEIR people trapped on our claim. I asked what do you do with this tax...remove the squirrels? No. We just tax you according to how many squirrels are bothered by you. Needless to say we had gopher poison and they never found ground squirrels on our plots...and we convinced them to let us put up plastic turtle fence because of cost..the turtles we found actually go wherever they want and bust right through the turtle fence. While they are building all these wind farms and solar fields all around us and guys are running over turtles like bugs. Kalifornication.
I agree with George Carlin, the planets going to be fine. We're always trying to save something and we can't even take of ourselves
D
djones
Guest
ratfink - wth is wrong with you???
Ratdog68
LSB Official Story Teller
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What's wrong with ME? What's wrong with those fellers?!?!?
Pork Popper
LSB Member
Pork Popper
LSB Member
Someone get a new ride?
I wish!
DJ is the one with the brown hair!
D
djones
Guest
why is this even in the humor section?
Ratdog68
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Little Johnny watched his Daddy's' new car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mom, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane....."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny , this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw my Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Mommy fainted!
Moral:
Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mom, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane....."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny , this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw my Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Mommy fainted!
Moral:
Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
