Humor for the day!
- Thread starter sjb67
- Start date
TEXASLAWMAN
Lone Star Boars Owner
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
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LoneStarBoars Supporter
Lol
TEXASLAWMAN
Lone Star Boars Owner
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
A guy goes into the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
>
> "Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."
>
> The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
>
> The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
>
> The interviewer tells the guy, "OK. You are hired. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M".
>
> The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
>
> "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
>
> "Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."
>
> The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
>
> The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
>
> The interviewer tells the guy, "OK. You are hired. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M".
>
> The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
>
> "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
"My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started..."
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started..."
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
TEXASLAWMAN
Lone Star Boars Owner
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
HA!
Ratdog68
LSB Official Story Teller
LSB TURKEY BUZZARD PRESERVATION SOCIETY
SUS VENATOR CLUB
LoneStarBoars Supporter
Someone on the 6.8 forums had never heard the term "House Ape"... so, I put together a complete listing of terms/definitions this morning while waiting for my coffee to brew.
"Sock Sniffers"= Lay where you put 'em and have to smell your socks.
"Carpet Crawlers"= Tired of sniffing your socks, learn to roll over to escape, and begin to demonstrate the belly crawl.
"Rug Rats"= Have developed enough strength and muscle tone to raise up off their belly and scurry about on all fours.
"Curtain Climbers"= Life is boring at their eye level, so they tend to climb to get a human's eye view of life.
"House Apes"= Forget having any peace and quiet.
"Sub-Human"= Usually around that age of 14, when you sorta wish "natural selection" would've kicked in a few years back. Generally speaking, still smaller in stature than you.
"Human"= They've expended all of your resources, left you impoverished, and now are ready to leave their "Sock Sniffers" with you to care for while they go play.
"Sock Sniffers"= Lay where you put 'em and have to smell your socks.
"Carpet Crawlers"= Tired of sniffing your socks, learn to roll over to escape, and begin to demonstrate the belly crawl.
"Rug Rats"= Have developed enough strength and muscle tone to raise up off their belly and scurry about on all fours.
"Curtain Climbers"= Life is boring at their eye level, so they tend to climb to get a human's eye view of life.
"House Apes"= Forget having any peace and quiet.
"Sub-Human"= Usually around that age of 14, when you sorta wish "natural selection" would've kicked in a few years back. Generally speaking, still smaller in stature than you.
"Human"= They've expended all of your resources, left you impoverished, and now are ready to leave their "Sock Sniffers" with you to care for while they go play.
