Humor for the day!

You want to hear an Ebola joke??,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, You probably won't get it!! BANG BANG!!
 
Just in case there is any doubt

 
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The Miracle of Toilet Paper...


Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'.

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again,
although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man.
 
Michael Jordon says he can't golf either.

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Sounds like good stuff (60's ad for WD-40)

download.spark
 
Nag Nag Nag


An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed.


As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.


Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub,
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the
stairs.


While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had
been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged
tonight.


Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.


As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.


'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.


He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER
STOP?!'
 
Perfect!
 
LOL... Makes perfect sense.
 
Of course our fearless leader, gone for 5 days, comes back and posts a joke, not his activities w pictures!
 
I asked my Doctor, "Doctor, what are we going to do about this dangerous virus from Africa?"
He said, "I don't know, he still has two more years in office."
 
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A REPUBLICAN AND A DEMOCRAT


Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came

to a homeless person. Then Romney gave the homeless person his business

card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his

pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when

they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to

the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She

then reached into Romney’s pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her

administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.

Now, do you understand the difference?
 
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