Ratdog68
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There, fixed it fer ya.
Humor for the day!
- Thread starter sjb67
- Start date
Ratdog68
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A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them.
Sean was at the Hunting Lease for his weekly day and evening of hunting.
He began his adventure with putting out some corn, refilling his barrel and just as he was pouring in the bait a sow came onto the field. Quickly he dropped everything picked up his rifle and BANG...dead hog!
Great he said, went to clean her and as he was starting a group of shoats appeared, thinking this is a good opportunity, he immediately nailed 2 of them! Just then his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just
been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be
there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving
what was shaping up to be his best hunting day ever.
He decided to finish cleaning the hogs get them on ice and to stalk a bit before heading to the hospital.
He ended up with a 250 lb boar, his personal best hunting day ever! He was jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
cleaning and hunting, didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself!"
"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the
hunting lease your wife has been languishing in the ICU!" "It's just as well
you went ahead and finished that hunting because it will be more than
likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock
care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to
change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times
a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed...
The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just screwing with you. She's dead.
What'd you shoot?"
He began his adventure with putting out some corn, refilling his barrel and just as he was pouring in the bait a sow came onto the field. Quickly he dropped everything picked up his rifle and BANG...dead hog!
Great he said, went to clean her and as he was starting a group of shoats appeared, thinking this is a good opportunity, he immediately nailed 2 of them! Just then his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just
been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be
there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving
what was shaping up to be his best hunting day ever.
He decided to finish cleaning the hogs get them on ice and to stalk a bit before heading to the hospital.
He ended up with a 250 lb boar, his personal best hunting day ever! He was jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
cleaning and hunting, didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself!"
"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the
hunting lease your wife has been languishing in the ICU!" "It's just as well
you went ahead and finished that hunting because it will be more than
likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock
care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to
change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times
a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed...
The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just screwing with you. She's dead.
What'd you shoot?"
Ratdog68
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LMAO !
Reminds me of the guy who saw (in his rearview mirror) a Trooper gaining on him (lights on). The pursuit game was on. Eventually, the man stopped. When the trooper asked why he'd run, the man replied: "Two weeks ago, my wife ran off with a Trooper... I thought you were bringing her back."
Reminds me of the guy who saw (in his rearview mirror) a Trooper gaining on him (lights on). The pursuit game was on. Eventually, the man stopped. When the trooper asked why he'd run, the man replied: "Two weeks ago, my wife ran off with a Trooper... I thought you were bringing her back."
Ratdog68
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Move it to the inside. LOL
I just let my wife use one shelf to keep her jewelry on, that way it stays secured. Ain't nobody getting in no how, no way.
Had a good friend told me a story, about a buddy that was bragging about "there's no way anyone can steall his guns", a neighbor heard some chainsaws running, thought the other neighbor was cutting fire wood. Later the bragger came home to a slice of his house chainsawed out, someone ('s) had backed a truck up the outside wall, cut out the wall, pushed the gun safe into the truck and drove off. The person that told me this , is 100%. Crazy way to get to a gun safe.
Ratdog68
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Ratdog68
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Most of the newer cars have back-up-sensors that warn the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something.
Most people probably think that this valuable feature came out of the minds of engineers,
but it was recently disclosed that it was a concept developed by a Chinese farmer.
His invention is very simple yet effective.
It emits a high pitched squeal when the vehicle backs into something.
LOL... That hog is where he is out of nothing more than well mannered politeness. Activate THAT back-up alarm, and his buggy is totaled.
Most people probably think that this valuable feature came out of the minds of engineers,
but it was recently disclosed that it was a concept developed by a Chinese farmer.
His invention is very simple yet effective.
It emits a high pitched squeal when the vehicle backs into something.
LOL... That hog is where he is out of nothing more than well mannered politeness. Activate THAT back-up alarm, and his buggy is totaled.
Last edited:
Lancer
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That sow kinda looks like she knows what she's doing. Or that boar is now famous in the barnyard!Getting yer Christmas Goose a little early...
RattlesnakeDan
San Antonio Texas
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If you know electricity.....she got the worst of the shock, just not sure where that might be. Ouch
RattlesnakeDan
San Antonio Texas
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Pants Up..Don't Loot
Thanks for splaining that....I thought I had lost my sense of humor for a minute.
