Humor for the day!
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Ratdog68
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Tattoo Art...
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.
'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist.
'Why of course!'
'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.'
'No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and get up on the table.'
After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.
'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.
'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and I can prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreading her legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!'
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.
'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist.
'Why of course!'
'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.'
'No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and get up on the table.'
After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.
'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.
'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and I can prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreading her legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!'
Billy Graham's son was kicked out of his Mega Church for having sex with a member.
The wife calls her husband and tells him he needs to bring home a chicken to cook for dinner. She tells him the preacher wants to have a chicken dinner. The Husband says F--k the preacher she says I did that this morning but he still wants to eat chicken........ Lol
The wife calls her husband and tells him he needs to bring home a chicken to cook for dinner. She tells him the preacher wants to have a chicken dinner. The Husband says F--k the preacher she says I did that this morning but he still wants to eat chicken........ Lol
Breaking news ~
A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”
A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”
RattlesnakeDan
San Antonio Texas
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Self tightening. Brilliant
I need a couple pigs to come into my house. I'm hungry for pork.
Ratdog68
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If you had spent $1,000.00 in shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!
If you had spent $1,000.00 in shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had spent $1,000.00 in shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401- Keg plan.
And, as a bonus… a recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol per year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you damned proud to be an American!
If you had spent $1,000.00 in shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had spent $1,000.00 in shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401- Keg plan.
And, as a bonus… a recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol per year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you damned proud to be an American!
.....for all you "Vegans" that are lurking on this site....as well as you others that have to have your "Mocha Grande" from a certain store at exactly 7:59 AM so you can take a sip before "Jerry Springer" comes on....
https://www.facebook.com/michelle.tangey/videos/768491296528174/
https://www.facebook.com/michelle.tangey/videos/768491296528174/