Humor for the day!

[FrankT]

It's a miracle!

If this inspirational message doesn't make a believer out of you, I
don't know what will...

When I heard Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a
nearby black Houston church, I decided to check them out in person and
see what it was all about.
I sat down and, much to my surprise, Reverend Sharpton came up to
me.
I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in
the church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the
Lord
All Mighty, and the will of God, I say to you, you will walk today! "
I told him I was not paralyzed.
Then Reverend Jesse Jackson came by and said: "By the Grace of God,
and his Son Jesus, the Lord All Mighty, I proclaim you WILL walk today! "
Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.


After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my car had
been stolen...

 

[Itsazonik]

Hahahahaha

 

[Oso Grande]

 

[rob072770]

Sorry I,just don't get it. Never wanted to be a girl and deal,with all,the problems every 28 days and can't pee standing up except she can lol.

 

[Ratdog68]

View attachment 2465

Me thinks this more accurately describes it...

 

[rob072770]

Ok I don't do,this often but what the heck does " It's Pat " mean.........

 

[Ratdog68]

"It's Pat" was a character (skit) from Saturday Night Live (many years ago). You were never sure whether "Pat" was male or female. The point of the routine/skit was to keep you wondering.

 

[rob072770]

Roger that.... I,should say Pat that ...... Lol

 

[rgilbert]

Roger that.... I,should say Pat that ...... Lol

You don't want to pat that! You sick little. Never mind!

 

[BigRedDog]

now that we are at the bottom of the hill..............

 

[Itsazonik]

I'm not sure we were ever anywhere near the top of the hill

 

[Itsazonik]

 

[Brian Shaffer]

I'm not sure he cares.

 

[Ratdog68]

I'm not sure he cares.

I agree... that could easily read: "Hey look !! A corpse with a gunshot wound !!"

 

[Ratdog68]

Hey Dan? Did Kit fluff yer pillow fer yaz?

 

[Ratdog68]

I didn't even get the phone... just a higher bill for the one I already have.

 

[RattlesnakeDan]

I could tell you a story about Obama phones and a bunch of people I know but it's not real funny and doesn't belong in the humor section.

 

[Ratdog68]

Now we know how Oso has managed to remain mobile...

 

[Ratdog68]

 

[Oso Grande]

LAST WILL

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ?.... the asshole had a paper route!"