TEXASLAWMAN
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Humor for the day!
- Thread starter sjb67
- Start date
You want to hear an Ebola joke??,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, You probably won't get it!! BANG BANG!!
Ratdog68
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The Miracle of Toilet Paper...
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I asked.
'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again,
although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man.
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I asked.
'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again,
although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man.
A good lesson in life coping skills ...
Ratdog68
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Nag Nag Nag
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub,
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the
stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had
been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged
tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER
STOP?!'
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub,
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the
stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had
been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged
tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER
STOP?!'
TEXASLAWMAN
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theblakester
Got a black belt in keeping it real.
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this guy pulls off some pretty cool stuff.... that doesnt involve risk of getting shot
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...=7dPYyoXbVmlCjuc7Jl9V1w&bvm=bv.79908130,d.eXY
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...=7dPYyoXbVmlCjuc7Jl9V1w&bvm=bv.79908130,d.eXY
theblakester
Got a black belt in keeping it real.
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LMAO
TEXASLAWMAN
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slim_shady
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Thats Great!
Ratdog68
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A REPUBLICAN AND A DEMOCRAT
Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came
to a homeless person. Then Romney gave the homeless person his business
card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his
pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when
they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to
the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She
then reached into Romney’s pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her
administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.
Now, do you understand the difference?
Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came
to a homeless person. Then Romney gave the homeless person his business
card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his
pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when
they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to
the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She
then reached into Romney’s pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her
administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.
Now, do you understand the difference?